I Am A 'Third Culture Kid,' Are You?

i'm a third culture kid.
born in london. then we came back to kuwait. we still go visit london in summer every year since i was born. but i do know how it feels like... i don't think it's a burden or a blessing. it's just who we are.

Yes, I'm a third culture kid. I'm Hungarian, but grew up in Kuwait, went to college in the US, did my MA in England and now I'm freaking out that if I start working in Hungary two week long holidays to like Greece every year will be the only time I can get away from here...

Although as you said it's both a blessing and a burden, I believe overall it's a blessing. This might sound strange, and usually I don't like to compliment myself, but I think I'm a very able person because of all this traveling and living in different places. I can take care of myself in most situations.

At the same time, I'm quite antisocial, and I find it that I don't have patience with the average Joe type of people anymore. When people start asking me to "Say something in Arabic" or "Did you ride camels instead of cars" I prefer to just walk away, because I've been answering these type of questions for 15 years...

Here in Hungary I come accross a lot of envy, and it seems people can only handle all this info by criticizing it. Everyone immediately presupposes that Im a spoilt rich kid. When I say I studied in the US the reaction generally includes the conviction that the US education system is much weaker than the European. When people hear I lived in Kuwait, a whole rant about supressed women and terrorists follow.

So often I remember a word or expression in English rather than Hungarian, and people interpret that as me being a snob or just showing off.

So, in conclusion, being a third culture kid is cool if you're around others like you.

I can't wait to have my own kids to mess them up this way too (o:

I'm a 3rd Culture Kid too!

Parents are British, Moved to Kuwait when I was 2, til Gulf War, then to Singapore for 4 yrs, then returned to Kuwait til I left in 2000 for Uni etc. My parents left Kuwait 2 years ago and now live in Paris.

I think it is a blessing because you get to interact with people you may not have previously ever thought you would have! I've grown up with indians, arabs, pakistanis, chinese, japanese, koreans, british, american etc etc you name it!

You get a sense of what the world really is! You learn not to be racist and you learn languages and cultures a hell of a lot better.

However saying that, it does mess with you mind! I do not know my nationality anymore! Sure I'm technically british but my heart is in Kuwait since I've lived there most of my life. It's where I grew up, where all my best friends are where where all my memories are!

But the benefits outweight the bad bits :P

3rd Culture Kids rock :D

Oh & how could you forget our weird messed up accent?

One minute I have a british accent, the next american, then next kuwaiti!!!

Yes.
Both.
Such a waste.

The best Blog topic in AGES and I completely understood and loved your post, Amer.

There are many of us all over like you said. People don't *get* us.

Yep. TCK. Born in Alaska, when it wasn't a state. In and out of Germany most of my life, Tunisia, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, France, Qatar, and now Kuwait. At home everywhere . . .except at home.

Have you heard of "re-entry?" When we try to go "home" again?

Fortunately, I have a home and family and go there often enough to be known and accepted . . . but can I ever truly settle there?

We just are, aren't we? Not good, not bad, just doing the best with the life we've been given.

But I have to admit, you got my heart beating and the blood flowing faster, reading all the entries from my brother/sister TCKs. I can usually recognize a fellow TCK at any gathering, can you?

It's a special life, not without it's own problems. GREAT post, Amer. (Sorry for babbling on and on)

I just posted a comment, where did it go? ;-(

Third Culture kid here!

Born in the US, and raised by my single American mother. I have lived in three states (Virginia, Colorado and California). I moved to my Kuwaiti father’s house after college and have been in Kuwait for most of the past 12 years. I also have spent significant time in London as many Kuwaitis have.

I have to agree with much of what Q8sultana has said.

I have to say it has been both a burden and a blessing. It is blessing in that the world is a much smaller place, and I have been able to shed much of my narrow American thinking while still retaining many of its better qualities. I can function in most any situation but feel comfortable in none. I am intellectually diverse and can speak on many topics but feel uncertain to take a firm stand on anything because I can see the other sides point of view. There is no doubt that all of our different experiences have afforded us an “educated” view of the world but the Burden for me lies in the mental torment it brings. The feeling of being alone and then wanting to be alone.

The thing I miss is the feeling of landing back in the states and feeling home, feeling understood and feeling like I knew what was going on around me. Now when I land there, I only get a vague feeling of belonging, while I still don’t get that feeling when I land in Kuwait.

Lastly, it has also made me question everything. “Why is it done like this?”

WOW!! Too many! And you think you're the only one when you sit alone thinking about the past!
Or that's what I thought!
It's not just that it feels you don't belong! I was told that I didn't. Don't want to go through painful details, but I just want to say: I know what you mean!
I have to say GOOD POST!!!

Thanks for linking to me, or I would never have found your blog and some fascinating ones that you link to - a whole new world! To which, as a TCK, I can only say - yay!

For me, being a TCK has been both burden and blessing. Re-entry to the US for college was horrible, and I didn't understand why. Years later, at a reunion of Woodstock School (an international school in India), I went to David Pollock's workshop on TCKs. For me, as for many alumni, it was a revelation: so THAT'S why I'm so weird!

My "solution" was to marry an Italian and move to yet another country - Italy is a nice happy medium between India (where I spent many happy years) and the comforts of the West. But I still have to travel a lot, too.

Here's a link to the book by the above mentioned David Pollock. Thanks Deirdre, I will definitely get this!
http://www.tckworld.com/read/tckexp.html

guilty as charged, i'm a TCK. only very different from those before me ;)

Very courageous of you to bring up this topic. Thank you, Amer!

After some struggle, I used to think of myself as being a global citizen, a concept that would remain only in my head for obvious reasons, but the more I think about it, TCK is probably a more correct term, one that's easier to use in public.

I do see myself as having a lot of the characteristics that the Wiki article mentions, and I put it down to simply having had my horizons truly broadened and my perspectives truly enriched so much by my experiences of living in Kuwait, Canada, India, Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, South Africa, Cyprus and the UK, and visiting many more countries in many corners of the world.

And being in a job that further continues to keep me travelling on work it certainly has made adapting to new places and cultures so much easier because I have learned that when you peel away the veneer of language and culture all human beings are pretty much the same no matter where they are or how advanced (or not) they may at first seem to be.

I think the increased sense of nationalism (which I definitely possess) comes not only from not having a sense of wanting to identify with a home "mothership" but also from being able to analyse things from an insider's as well as outsider's perspective and reaching the heartening conclusion that at the highest level every single nation is actually just trying to do its best for itself (i.e., its people) in the future.

Excellent topic, nice blog. Like your choice of oldies. But if you really want to find good copies of old movies, p2p is the answer!

Cheers..

Include me too as a TCK born in Lebanon, lived in Algeria, USSR, France and Kuwait, and Bahrain.

Excellent post Amer. Here's my rundown without sounding like a show-off:

Born in Kuwait, moved to Oxford, England from age 4-6, back to Kuwait in private (arabic) school till end of high school with annual summers in England. A year in Paris after high school. Washington DC for college and then back here since then... with travels to wherever I can go, whenever I can

I frequently feel very different to my Kuwaiti friends who have not lived abroad and even with those who lived the "closed-circuit" Kuwaiti life as students where they didnt mix with any foreigners and barely learned the language to get by.... They just don't get me!

They don't understand how I can pig out on "machboos diyay" and then swoon over foie gras and other European delicacies. They cant understand how I like old Kuwaiti songs AND the latest in Indie rock. They hate that I look 10 times better in jeans and a blazer than they do in their their flashy getups. These are all things I picked up living abroad that they'll never get

They think I'm too westernized and not Kuwaiti enough. An overgrown "chicken nugget"

I gave up trying to fit in and being something I'm not... and I'm much happier for it, and somehow became more friendly with more people of wildly different backgrounds.

So now there's a name for people like us? Who knew?!

Thanks again!

I am a Arab citizen, born in London, lived in Kuwait (which is why I still check Kuwaiti blogs!) and consider myself TCK.

I think all you posters above have done a great job in opening up and just writing and trying to describe what its like....I really feel like I am among kindred spirits!!

Nice job all. Never forget we are talented, cultured, smart, can do anything!

Thanks, Amer. FYI, if people buy the book from my site http://www.beginningwithi.com/aboutme/tcks.html I'll get a cut - but I strongly recommend it WHEREVER you buy it from.

I bought the book years ago. When I finished the first chapter, I went to Amazon and sent copies to my dad, my mom, and one of my best friends. My mom was herself a TCK (American born in Cuba), so it gave her new insights into her life. My dad had never understood why my experience of overseas life was so different from his, and now finally did. My friend was unable to finish it - she still hasn't come to terms with her own TCK issues.

Thanks all for the comments, obviously this topical (and personal) topic struck a chord with you all and I appreciate the posts, the candor and the personal insights. I have been writing on the Blog for almost a year and have not seen such a swift and verbose reaction to a post.

There are misconceptions everywhere concerning where we lived and the kinds of people we are I totally understand where most of us are coming from.

I think Solymar was honest when he spoke of 'mental torment,’ there is an abundance of that to go around for most of us and I totally understand when Nora-Cassandra and other speak of being told you 'don't belong (I used to get offended when my Arabic was ridiculed or when people viewed me a tad differently, but with age and wisdom , I realized those "differences" are an endearing trait and part of what makes me who I am).

Deirdrem, Dubai Sunshine, Lailyq8, Don Veto, Ananyah, Toomz, Tinkertoo, Sultana, Mish, Intpatr, Zaydoun et all, I didn't know you all had such a background but it's quite impressive, now I know why you excel as great communicators and bloggers. And all your traits in one way or another are connected to the TCK background and are what make you who you are. In a way you are all one in a million and stand above the crowd.

It's true sometimes we focus on the negative aspects of being a TCK (I am guilty of that) but we should all be proud: we can work anywhere, with anyone; even though some of us may be low-key we can walk into a reception or party and talk about anything with anyone.

Yes, Intlxpatr, I can spot TCK's a mile away, they are not necessarily the "Westernized" types (that is a misconception) but the ones who are slow to open up and tend to analyze the surroundings, but when they do open up, you can't shut them up, their passion is infectious! (btw that crack about Alaska not being a State when you were born cracked me up).

For me it’s been a burden and a blessing for the obvious reasons that you all touched on (i.e. languages, tolerance, not fitting in etc) but you know when I realized - when it really hit me (as a Kuwaiti) that being foreign born and raised (TCK) was a blessing: the invasion of Kuwait … I could work in any corporation, anywhere, at any time, after college, regardless of how long the invasion dragged out. People like us might not fit in ministries and government institutions, we might not know how to play the local 'social game ' but we can work for Time-Warner, Paribas, Saatchi and Saatchi etc with the best of them (come to think of it most TCK's I know work in the private sector not the govt.).

That’s not a curse, it’s a gift. The good outweighs the bad.

Maybe we should all form a TCK organization/group in Kuwait...

Thanks all for the comments, appreciate it.

"Maybe we should all form a TCK organization/group in Kuwait..."

In your own way, I think you just did.

There is a fraternity of TCK's. It just exists. We know one another.

I bet the comments keep coming, too.

WOW! There's just too many of us out there, isn't there?

First off, Amer thank you for the best blog post I have ever read. Truly!

I am a TCK as well. I might not have as a diverse travel experience as most of you guys have but I am still young and have a lot of time ahead of me :P

I am Syrian, born in Kuwait. Lived in Kuwait until the War, moved to Syria for a couple years and then came back. Went back to Syria for 3 more years and then went to the UAE for another 5 years and now I am back in Kuwait.

I have always been "different". My accent was much derailed from my parents'. Always had friends that were not from one country or another. Always felt a belonging to Syria but never felt at home in it.

I can't remember one day that I did not dream about traveling the entire world and meeting all sorts of people. The Wikipedia list of TCK's characteristics you've included fits me and my life.

It's definitely NOT a burden. I will always think of it as a blessing, because I know we understand more about the world than any other person does. We are the world.

You've hit a home-run with this post in all of us and I am really glad I ended up here.

Thanks!

A lovely post indeed. It was great seeing and reading the experiences of other fellow TCKs.

My experience as a TCK has been both a blessing and burden for me all through out my life.

But I really started suffering when I was 23. I had just returned to Kuwait and was immediately thrown into a hardcore indigenous Kuwaiti atmosphere as a ministry/government institution employee. I felt like a complete foriegner with a different sense of humor and perception. With time, I began to realize that everything about me was wildly different; my work ethic, my lifestyle, my attire, my personality, my interests, my experiences and my thought process.

Having said that, I see this as a blessing. My cultural experiences have molded my character, enriched my curiousity, developed my independence, and like Solymar, cultivated an acute sense of cultural perception. The burden, however, lies in fitting in, being stimulated, and trying to find someone that understands you

One thing I've noticed about meeting other TCKs is there's an instant "click." We share a similar background and outlook even if we haven't actually lived in any of the same countries. I feel more at home with TCKs than anyone else in the world, no matter what countries they were actually born or lived in.

"...I didn't know you all had such a background but it's quite impressive, now I know why you excel as great communicators and bloggers..."

Thats sweet, although my blog has died since I've been stationary...(o:
I'm expecting Nibaq to kick me off kuwaitblogs any day now...(o:

I have never heard the term Third Culture Kid. It labels and classifies something could never verbalize-I just felt it. I just thought I was different.
I wasn't American, even though I was born there, I wasn't Irish even though thats where my mother is from and we spent every summer there, and I definately did not feel Kuwaiti even though I lived here. The only Arabic I spoke was enough to get by with my beloved grandmother. I lived in an American bioshere in Kuwait. It was difficult growing up different in a critical society.
As a teenager it was hard to seperate what was normal in a western culture, but an embarassing taboo here. Don't forget that was judgemental Kuwait in the 80's, not "free kuwait" of the 2000's.
Thanks to globalization the cultural gaps have shrunk and the differnces are not as evident. Also, Kuwait post invasion has become radical, either very closed or super tolerant.
I thought it was interesting that you noted that TCKs gravitate to eachother cause that is so true! Most of my friends are half halfs too.

There is a certain sadness to this issue, but one needs to keep moving and doing what they can. i read a lot,use the pc, write, just make my own life as stimulating as i can. friends come and go..we make new roots for our chilldren..
i feel great tho being part of this topic and i wish you all the best.

It may have been difficult, but I feel that if I where to go back in time.. I wouldn't have it any other way.

How neat - so many of us thinking about our TCK experiences and our time in Kuwait, probably all around the world, but crossing paths at this short moment in time and all connected.

The TCK book was recommended to me last summer by a couple old enough to be my parents, who were also both TCKs. I was born in Sweden, moved to the US around 2 yrs old, and then to Kuwait at 10 yrs. I was there as a teenager, until the invasion. It was unbelievably difficult to be on vacation in the States and find out I could never go home again - my friends were scattered all over the world. I read through some of their letters from 1990 just recently, and it was a bittersweet walk down memory lane. What a tragedy to experience at 16, to find your home obliterated and no way to know who survived and who didn't.

And "reentry" was hard - beyond the "did you ride a camel to school" questions, the changes were abrupt and frustrating. I could speak five languages but didn't know what Homecoming was.

In the end, it's not surprising that I ended up marrying another TCK. Neither one of us could have kept up a relationship with someone who didn't have a deep attachment to somewhere completely different.

How good it is to hear from so many TCKs!

Great Post Amer, and great job all of us.

It is refreshing to have these conversations (even if only on the internet).

I may feel alone at times but i don't feel alone in here.

Hey Solymar, pleasure having you all, I really got to know the backgrounds of many here - amazing - plus it gave us an opportunity to discover others blogs like Closet Diva, Kinano..

The book posted by Sultana and Deirdre also is a must (order it through De's blog)

I'll try to do a weekly or bi-monthly post here for the TCKs so everyone can blow steam and just talk.

PS - I think this thread broke the record for number of posts for this blog.

Just the other day I updated an article I wrote 5 years ago about immigration (referring specifically to Italy),which also reflected on the fact that the children of immigrants become sort of TCKs - they're a different culture than their parents. In extreme cases, that can even be dangerous for them.

(I guess it could be dangerous for me, too, in George Bush's America, to tell some average Americans what I think of my "homeland"...)

I remember when I came back to the UK (home of my parents, I class Kuwait as my home), I got bullied at boardin school because of the wealth of my parents, my accent, and the fact that most of them never even left the frikin country. I thought I was weird and stupid... but as time flew past, I knew that I was lucky to be a TCK.

As TCK, we are different that others. We don't have the same close minded mentality, we can gel with other cultures more easily, sure we all have messed up accents, but that makes us unique.

My brother calls me a STUCK UP KUWAITI COW because of my accent and the fact that I switch to talking in Arabic without knowing. I'm the "odd one out" in my family; the rest have a british accent except me, and they make fun of that!

I generally feel that no one can understand where I'm coming from, unless they are a TCK. I do not have a clue where my HOME is, even though I regard it as Kuwait. I sometimes get upset because I want to "belong" somewhere.

But yah, TCK still rock!

Love the logo Amer & this post! You should totally make a TCK group hehehe maybe on facebook THE Q80 TCK's hahahah

Born in the U.S., after four months moved to the Philippines for a few years, returned to the U.S. and spent many a summer in Venezuela (friends) and Italy (family). Have a lot of different nationalities married into the family on my mother's side, e.g., Thailand, Haitian (via France), etc.

I have two children who have me as their mother and their father who went to England for 1 year (H.S.), Scotland for a few years of college, finished up college in the U.S. and now travels with me to the States and Italy where I have family in both.

On top of having all of that thrown into the mix, my mother comes from a family who at one time lived in a one bedroom home with 9 children, 2 parents. My father comes from a comfortable background. My mother was raised Catholic, my father was raised Protestant. I'm also in an interfaith marriage.

Somehow it all works and has made me the person I am today. I wouldn't change a thing!

P.S. Deirdre - Ciao! I loved your website and will be visiting back soon.

I'm a third culture kid too. I've always set boston as my standard and i never really identified with kuwait. I never seemed to fit in with other people, I'm too US minded. My first language is english. Oh yes, and no i will never get in a dishdasha and drive to the 8adsiya game listening to majeed with the shabab. That crap just scares me:P

Youre right man, people just dont get us.

I've been having problems with Firefox today and so I ended up commenting twice, sorry about that.

P.S. Bostonian - I'm from Lexington. :) Parents live on the Cape.

Hey Stinni,
BROOKLINE PRIDE :P

TCK Meeting... lets do it.

Hey amer, i hope ur reading this..:)

Guys & Gals.. the trick is not to "belong" or insist on not belonging... but to be comfortable enough not to care whether you belong or not. We are not outsiders, We're just a different part of society

On Dress sense:
I wear a suit to work, and jeans when I'm not.. but I also like wearing a dishdasha from time to time because I treat it as dressing up, especially in winter with the red "chmagh"

Amer.. you said "the ones who are slow to open up and tend to analyze the surroundings, but when they do open up, you can't shut them up, their passion is infectious"... that pretty much sums it up!

Stinni: Welcome to our little club and thanks for sharing your background.

Zaydoun: you said you were a DC graduate...GW I assume?

AU, class of '91 here. We must have bumped into each other at one time or another.

dont have a TCK meet up til I'm in Kuwait in April :P

I dont wanna miss out on all the action!

Amer

GW.. class of.. never mind!

I don't think we ran into each other there, but the funny thing is that I personally know your entire family.. except you!

"I don't think we ran into each other there, but the funny thing is that I personally know your entire family.. except you!"

Zaydoun: Aye I do know who the man is behind Clark Kent!

Remember the following: Hamburger Hamlet (M Street), Bistro Francaise, Au Pied Du Cochon, Brikskellers, KB cinema (opposite Georgetown Mall), Fifth Column..

I could go on and on but I shall spare you the mental anguish.

Ananyah: No meetings til everyone is here and ready.

Dear Amer,

Thank-you for posting your blog on TCK's. I'm an adult TCK who lived as an American in Italy from the ages of 12-16. I wanted to tell you that I felt connected to your experience in Madrid when you went for the conference. Thank-you for posting that personal moment in your blog. I had a similar experience recently with a recent return trip back to Italy with my husband, a Sri Lankan who grew up only in Sri Lanka. I fully understand where you were coming from and your feelings and emotions. I wanted to let you know that I felt similarly on my trip back to Italy and my husband had a similar reaction as your colleague. It helps to know that there are others like ourselves out there and that we are not as unusual as perhaps our parents, coworkers, or others might think. We seem to have a special place in our hearts for those places, experiences, and people of our past. For me, although I'm not Italian by blood, I feel like maybe I'm a bit Italian by having lived there during a crucial part of my life growing up. Thank-you for writing about your experience because I do not feel like I'm alone.

Tawnya

I did the Washington semester at AU, although slightly later, in 2001 (o:

Tawnya and Stinni: Thanks a lot for passing by and sharing your background with us. I think the childhood era of our life is especially crucial and in many ways more hauntingly nostalgic than other parts, simply because we were children, growing up, learning, finding our way. Nevertheless, as children we had an honesty, a desire to mingle with others or not focusing or caring what their backgrounds were (social, financial, ethnic etc) - in some ways we were purer and TCK kids *keep* that tolerance, that purity with them.

Personally, I went to British schools in Madrid (Numont, Runnymede) and made some of the best friends ever (we still keep in contact and actually have our own webpage: http://www.oldrunnymede.blogspot.com ...Spaniards, Egyptians, Israelis, Brazilians, Dutch, you name it, all getting along and still sharing strong bonds.

Q8Sultana: If you did the AU semester in 2001 then I am old enough to be your great grandfather. Seriously, I hoped you enjoyed DC, I think its a great city and a great college town.

Amer... great memories, I went back last summer and its changed so much. You won't recgnize downtown DC at all!!!

But a lot of the "institutions" you mentioned are still there

Thank you for this intriguing post. Ironically the term TCK is somewhat new to me although it seems I fit the description exactly. Although I am Kuwaiti I have lived in the Far East, the US, and different places in Europe. I liked this statement “TCKs share more in common with one another, regardless of nationality, than they do with non-TCK's from their own country.” Also the idea of being very nationalistic is true I think. It’s because you feel like somewhat of an ambassadress to your country abroad, especially since Kuwait is so small that most people abroad never get to meet a Kuwaiti aside from yourself so the onus is on you to give a good impression. But I do admire people who have retained friendships since kindergarten. I have no such thing. Also, as soon as you become comfortable in a place you end up having to move for whatever reason. Still, getting so much international exposure makes me feel like I had a wonderful advantage.

Question: I don’t think you’re a TCK if you just go to college abroad, I think it’s applicable if you’re raised abroad from childhood. Is that correct?

1001 Kuwaiti Nights: Thanks for passing by and sharing your thoughts.

Your question: "I don’t think you’re a TCK if you just go to college abroad, I think it’s applicable if you’re raised abroad from childhood. Is that correct?" is a *smart* one and I've often wondered about that myself although I probably think college is not enough to be a TCK. Having said that I know people who have changed upon returning from college but they tend to just settle in smoothly even though they may gravitate away from the norm. I have a college friend - kuwait born and raised - who spent *8* years in college (don't ask) and didnt want to return and when he did return he settled in but still feels the people and the system are "mutakhalefeen" (backward).

Maybe someone else can answer your question? Any opinions guys and gals?

Zaydoun: "But a lot of the "institutions" you mentioned are still there"

ROFL I almost spilled coffee over meself laddie over that 'institution' crack.

DC was by far the high point of my 2.5 years in the US. My regular college was in the middle of nowhere in Maryland...bleh

RE: 1001's question, I think there are also third culture adults, people who get a taste for a broader vision of life and spend their life in persuit of it. You can go to college somewhere else and come back and never think again about it, it's possible. And, alternatively, you can listen and learn new ways of thinking, coping, problem solving, and enlarge your toolbox. You can't be a third culture KID but maybe a third culture adult?

(Wooo hoooooo, Amer, this post just keeps going and going!)