The Kuwait Citizen’s Guide To Deciphering Official, Media Statements


“Et tu, Brutus?

George Orwell (‘1984‘) would have had a field day with the Arabesque double speak emanating from both the Kuwaiti press and official circles.

Here are a few I have decoded for you:

  • The meeting focused on bilateral relations between the two states” = We are KUNA. We never know the details.
  • We must steer the ship safely to shore” = We don’t know what the f*** we are doing, but bare with us.
  • We must protect national unity, it is vital to this nation” = We don’t want you to interfere in the looting of this country.
  • The relations between the two countries are brotherly. Our discussions were mutually beneficial” = They want us to invest in their infrastructure and offer them low-interest loans.
  • Corruption will not stand. No one is above the law” = We decide who gets a free pass and who doesn’t.
  • The press must act responsibly in order to safeguard harmony” = Don’t highlight corruption in public or you will be punished.
  • We support Iran’s nuclear program for peaceful purposes” = We hope the U.S. bombs the living shit out of your nuclear facilities, turning them into parking lots.
  • We are all soldiers for Kuwait” = We are only interested in personal self-aggrandizement.
  • The government is weak and inefficient” = I am still waiting for my exclusive E-Government contract.
  • “The parliament is the impediment to Kuwait’s development and progress” = We have 97% of the Kuwaiti labor force working for us, we have billions in revenue, but let’s blame it on the parliament.
  • Kuwait lauds relations with ally” = We are KUNA. We can only use three words: ‘Laud,’ ‘Hail’ and ‘Brotherly.’

Can you add any more to this list?

6 thoughts on “The Kuwait Citizen’s Guide To Deciphering Official, Media Statements

  1. How about, “The weather will be mild with northwesternly winds”, meaning it will be hotter than hell and mildly cooler than the inside of a volcano.

  2. “The draft law lays down the mechanism for evaluating KAC’s assets before turning it to a private company,”
    BS Translator = “We are sill trying to figure out how much each of us has stolen before it is too late.”

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